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www.suzannejbayer.com
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
New Website, New Blog
Please link to my website to access current material and blog entries. Thank you!
www.suzannejbayer.com
www.suzannejbayer.com
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Art with Heart; kids healing through creativity
Nancy Stillger of ART WITH HEART; kids healing through creativity, a nonprofit based in Seattle, WA, shared this resource with me today. The photo above is their recently developed, Draw It Out, a strength-themed workbook designed to be used as a tool for children to express their innermost thoughts and feelings. The workbook helps promote social and emotional growth in children, and is an excellent resource for your elementary classroom. It is especially valuable for schools with populations of students who may have experienced (or experience with regularity) high levels of trauma. I recommend this workbook as a way to serve the needs of a grieving child in your classroom, as well as a great way to promote growth for all students.
Draw It Out aligns beautifully with an elementary literacy program because each page involves the pairing of documentation authored by the child with purposefully created illustrations. There are prompts, thought-starters, and spaces for children to respond to intuitive questions. Draw It Out is an exceptional social-emotional support tool. You can order your copy, or learn more about the tools and programs offered by linking to artwithheart.org
Here's a little more about this organization from their website:
"Art with Heart is a nonprofit based in Seattle, WA, dedicated to supporting the emotional well-being of children adversely affected by hardship, using creativity to lead to inspired possibilities. Since 2002, we have created healing, therapeutic books that bring together the best in therapy with the best in illustration to help children and teens facing distress and hardship. We offer trainings and programs to help children locally as well.
We believe that despite the many challenges children and teens face – illness, rape, divorce, separation, grief – their hearts can mend and they can thrive once again.
Our well-researched and evidence-based methods allow them to express their pain and their power so they can move beyond hardship and uncertainty to a lifetime of confidence and courage, so they can re-write their future."- ARTWITHHEART.ORG
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Take time to train
I’m in Fort Collins, Colorado for a four-day training course called Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Grief. I’ll be taught by grief counselor and educator, Dr. Alan Wolfelt. I’m excited to learn more deeply about this topic I have woven into my profession. The certification step is significant, and I value the opportunity to network with specialists in my field. Yet, there is a huge vulnerability piece to all this. Four days immersed in the grief topic means I will have to move closer to a difficult place. There will be a breaking open of some of the events in my life I found most heartbreaking. There will be times I will reflect on my own experiences as a child of a parent who died; my own grief, loss and struggle. But a new perspective will emerge as a result of my willingness to learn. Growth is so great!
I frequently refer to Wolfelt’s theories because I connect with his positive and nurturing pedagogy. Founder of The Center for Loss and Life Transition, Wolfelt has created a wide range of resources for the bereaved, their caregivers, and specialists in the field of bereavement support. In his book, Healing the Bereaved Child, Wolfelt teaches that the best way to support grieving children is to be a responsive and companioning caregiver. These seem like an innate qualities for a teacher, but often the temptation is to try and fix or guide a child’s grief, and resisting that is hard. It is more helpful for a teacher to allow the child lead as they work through their personal grief journey. Patterns examined in decades of bereavement research reveal Wolfelt's theories and strategies of employing the Companion Caregiver Method are sound. And he is considered one of the country’s foremost bereavement support educators because of his pioneering research exploring grief as experienced in tasks, not linear stages, tasks that often occur simultaneously. (This will be a great course!)
So for the next few days I’ll likely both back away from, and tilt forward into deeply moving emotions and experiences. Loss and trauma are an emotional perfect storm. But they can also be the place to most powerfully, and gently, make space for magnificent growth.
You can begin your own training in grief support for your own well being, to help someone you love going though grief, or for your own professional development. Access Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s critical supports and resources on his website: www.centerforloss.com
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
I frequently refer to Wolfelt’s theories because I connect with his positive and nurturing pedagogy. Founder of The Center for Loss and Life Transition, Wolfelt has created a wide range of resources for the bereaved, their caregivers, and specialists in the field of bereavement support. In his book, Healing the Bereaved Child, Wolfelt teaches that the best way to support grieving children is to be a responsive and companioning caregiver. These seem like an innate qualities for a teacher, but often the temptation is to try and fix or guide a child’s grief, and resisting that is hard. It is more helpful for a teacher to allow the child lead as they work through their personal grief journey. Patterns examined in decades of bereavement research reveal Wolfelt's theories and strategies of employing the Companion Caregiver Method are sound. And he is considered one of the country’s foremost bereavement support educators because of his pioneering research exploring grief as experienced in tasks, not linear stages, tasks that often occur simultaneously. (This will be a great course!)
So for the next few days I’ll likely both back away from, and tilt forward into deeply moving emotions and experiences. Loss and trauma are an emotional perfect storm. But they can also be the place to most powerfully, and gently, make space for magnificent growth.
You can begin your own training in grief support for your own well being, to help someone you love going though grief, or for your own professional development. Access Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s critical supports and resources on his website: www.centerforloss.com
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Art = self-discovery + relief
Art is one key to opening a grieving heart all locked up with sadness. Most of us are not art educators. But we can offer meaningful experiences for children to express their emotions through art. To understand the value of art as a means of emotional relief, visit any art museum and learn a little about the artists. Many are people struggling to voice their emotions in ways others can understand by using paint or clay. Art expressly nurtures the voice of a grieving child and the quality of this language is rich.
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Teachers are tasked with incorporating a long, long list of benchmarks and standards into the everyday curriculum. We see the value of facilitating art, but how do we add this to what we are already teaching? We integrate. Art sometimes poses as a separate unit, but we are wise to combine art methods with standards to help children reach higher levels of thinking.
It makes sense that we help children to grow socially and emotionally by integrating Bloom's Taxonomy of a "knowing head" (cognitive), "feeling heart" (affective), and "doing hands" (psychomotor) with art into all areas of curriculum instruction. To this end, I'm writing a series of lesson plans as a resource for educators to plug into their classrooms to help foster this approach. A possible framework may include:
Art promotes exploration and self-discovery for all children, especially for the grieving child. It is a way for teachers to check-in regularly with children to learn how they are feeling and coping. Art is a way for all children to communicate and self-regulate. In the same way that we support all children in our classroom, we can nurture the grieving child.
Don't wait for me to write a book. Begin today by enhancing your curriculum by helping children communicate what they are thinking and feeling through art.
- How do famous artists express emotions? A social studies/art curriculum.
- How many emotions can we feel at once? And can we show this with art? (I see a graph!)
- How do colors represent how we feel? Let's experiment and report about this. (Another graph!)
- Which type of art is your best 'art language'? Let's try as many as we can and find out.
Art promotes exploration and self-discovery for all children, especially for the grieving child. It is a way for teachers to check-in regularly with children to learn how they are feeling and coping. Art is a way for all children to communicate and self-regulate. In the same way that we support all children in our classroom, we can nurture the grieving child.
Don't wait for me to write a book. Begin today by enhancing your curriculum by helping children communicate what they are thinking and feeling through art.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Fred Rogers continues to teach us how to help children deal with death:
I frequently reference Fred Rogers when I communicate with parents and educators about the best ways to support grieving children. The enduring value of his words and ways are always relevant to the conversation. Rogers' messages of love and of nurturing children are transcendent. No one can match Rogers' ability to share equal measures of joyful surprise, comfort, inclusiveness and compassion in every interaction he had with others. It is no wonder adults continue look to Rogers (now through his living legacy The Fred Rogers Company) for the kindest of words and best ways to talk with children about death.
Rogers taught us, "Most young children know something about death. They may have seen a dead bird or bug or had a pet who died. Also, they may have seen people on television die. Still, their notion of death is very limited and simplistic, and they probably have many misunderstandings. It's precisely because children don't understand what death is about that they need help from loving adults in talking about it."
Rogers' enduring message is clear, we need to be talking with children about a death that has happened. He directed his advice primarily to parents, but Rogers' call for open communication and clarity with children is a signal to the classroom teacher or caregiver. As educators, we know it is important to scaffold vocabulary development and provide opportunities for young children to construct greater and greater meaning. We must apply these and other teaching principles to bereavement support for children.
When a bereaved child returns to school following a death of someone close to them, your classroom may be in the only reliable place in their lives at that moment. You are still there. Their friends are there. And their desks, tools, books and (most importantly) the classroom routine are all still reassuringly right there as they left them. School is the grieving child's anchor. Home is severely disrupted, and the trusted adults at school may be the primary comforters and listeners equipped to offer the child any sense of agency in this crisis. Children often feel they cannot talk about their missing and confused feelings with family members at home, for fear of making them too sad. They learn to feel this very, very early. But if at school or in care they are able to ask their questions and talk openly about their fears and worries and sadness about the death, the grieving child is able move closer to understanding the death. To simply and clearly help a child clarify what has happened is a good beginning step on their grief journey. Information can go a very long way for the return of a sense of agency for a grieving child.
Fred Rogers taught and modeled the skill set of talking to children about death with grace and care. Learn more about how to do this by connecting to the link to The Fred Rogers Company:
http://www.fredrogers.org/parents/special-challenges/death.php
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Rogers taught us, "Most young children know something about death. They may have seen a dead bird or bug or had a pet who died. Also, they may have seen people on television die. Still, their notion of death is very limited and simplistic, and they probably have many misunderstandings. It's precisely because children don't understand what death is about that they need help from loving adults in talking about it."
Rogers' enduring message is clear, we need to be talking with children about a death that has happened. He directed his advice primarily to parents, but Rogers' call for open communication and clarity with children is a signal to the classroom teacher or caregiver. As educators, we know it is important to scaffold vocabulary development and provide opportunities for young children to construct greater and greater meaning. We must apply these and other teaching principles to bereavement support for children.
When a bereaved child returns to school following a death of someone close to them, your classroom may be in the only reliable place in their lives at that moment. You are still there. Their friends are there. And their desks, tools, books and (most importantly) the classroom routine are all still reassuringly right there as they left them. School is the grieving child's anchor. Home is severely disrupted, and the trusted adults at school may be the primary comforters and listeners equipped to offer the child any sense of agency in this crisis. Children often feel they cannot talk about their missing and confused feelings with family members at home, for fear of making them too sad. They learn to feel this very, very early. But if at school or in care they are able to ask their questions and talk openly about their fears and worries and sadness about the death, the grieving child is able move closer to understanding the death. To simply and clearly help a child clarify what has happened is a good beginning step on their grief journey. Information can go a very long way for the return of a sense of agency for a grieving child.
Fred Rogers taught and modeled the skill set of talking to children about death with grace and care. Learn more about how to do this by connecting to the link to The Fred Rogers Company:
http://www.fredrogers.org/parents/special-challenges/death.php
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Loving the living
I think helping someone mourn means sprinkling hope back inside of them. We are forgetting how to do this, and personal gestures are becoming a lost art. We are so busy. We are captivated by devices and disconnecting from one another. The simple truth is we've got to work to teach our children how to companion grieving people, and the best way to do this is to show them.
What I Learned From My Mother
I learned from my mother how to love
the living, to have plenty of vases on hand
in case you have to rush to the hospital
with peonies cut from the lawn, black ants
still stuck to the buds. I learned to save jars
large enough to hold fruit salad for a whole
grieving household, to cube home-canned pears
and peaches, to slice through maroon grape skins
and flick out the sexual seeds with a knife point.
I learned to attend viewings even if I didn’t know
the deceased, to press the moist hands
of the living, to look in their eyes and offer
sympathy, as though I understood loss even then.
I learned that whatever we say means nothing,
what anyone will remember is that we came.
I learned to believe I had the power to ease
awful pains materially like an angel.
Like a doctor, I learned to create
from another’s suffering my own usefulness, and once
you know how to do this, you can never refuse.
To every house you enter, you must offer
healing: a chocolate cake you baked yourself,
the blessing of your voice, your chaste touch.
Reprinted from Sleeping Preacher, University of Pittsburgh Press, 1992. First printed in West Branch, Vol. 30, 1992. Copyright © 1992 by Julia Kasdorf.
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A willingness to engage in your own story:
As National Poetry Month ends I encourage educators to add Mother Poems, by Hope Anita Smith, to your literacy curriculum. Mother Poems is a celebration of mothers and daughters, and the joy found in the most nurturing of relationships. Smith recalls a life lived and lost, but remembered in such a way the reader is certain to have met, and loved, this person. We are taken on a grief journey from the perspective of a young African-American girl who is working to understand a cataclysmic event. Wrapped in cultural attributes unique to her heritage and family, the voice of this grieving girl gently leads the reader on a path of grief growth. Much like the torn paper used to create the illustrations in the book, the poems are accessible and pure. Momma is her champion, as portrayed in her first poem, Momma:
Momma
I've got a momma
who combs and plaits my hair
with gentle soothing rhythms,
fingers dancing everywhere.
I've got a momma who wraps me in her arms
like I'm some kind of present,
says I'm her lucky charm.
I've got a momma
who loves me through and through,
and can't nobody love me
like my momma do.
Midway through the collection of poems there is a sudden and tragic death told in the poem, While I Was Sleeping, then subsequent poems describing the emotions and distress in the aftermath. There are poems to help with managing Mother's Day, and poems both validating and relieving feelings of guilt and regret, in If I Had Said Goodnight:
...And then when she is gone in the morning-
gone in her sleep-
I am free to just miss her.
This collection of poems does so much to help a bereaved child know her feelings are normal, and each is a conduit encouraging healthy grief growth. The poems carry the reader through the many simultaneous tasks of grief; shock, anger, fear, feeling cheated, confusion, abandonment, longing, and finally remembering with finding hope and purpose. The collection moves toward a healing conclusion with Instructions on How to Lose a Mother.
The number of books the grieving African-American child can find relatable is small, and this book of poems is a significant contribution to culturally inclusive children's literature. But no matter the color your skin, this poetry collection will help each person reconcile any unwillingness to engage in their own story. Hope Anita Smith is a professional storyteller and in-school-poet, teaching poetry and writing workshops to all grade levels. You can learn more about her by accessing her website:
www.hopeanitasmith.com
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Working to prevent isolation: the Shared Grief Project
There is a growing chorus of thoughtful people advocating for grieving children, and they are creating relevant childhood grief support tools! It feels so potent to be sharing excellent resources.
The Shared Grief Project is working to help mitigate one of the greatest risks for grieving children and teens, the problem of isolation. Unless they are part of bereavement support groups, it seems to bereaved kids 'everyone else has a normal family'. Grieving teens want to be like everyone else, to be normal and 'not weird'. I recently heard someone say we spend all our teen years trying to be like everyone else, and as soon as we graduate high school it flips, and we just want to be different and stand out. (Isn't that the truth!) Experiencing a death close to you does forever change you, sets you apart. Among the multitude of social pressures teens have to deal with, add to it the pain and strain of death, and the pressure seems insurmountable. The Shared Grief Project works to help children and teens mitigate the problem of isolation. These short videos are an excellent tool to share in bereavement support groups, or to view privately.
The mission statement from the Shared Grief Project website reads,
"The Shared Grief Project was founded on one guiding principle: grieving children should not suffer in isolation. Through short videos featuring interviews with high-profile celebrities, the Shared Grief Project highlights the stories of individuals who have lost a parent or sibling at a young age and have gone on to live happy, healthy, and highly successful lives. The goal of the Shared Grief Project is twofold: first, to demonstrate to grieving children that they are not alone, and second, to provide inspiration and encouragement to these children by showing them how some of their role models have experienced grief in their own lives and sharing the lessons they have learned."
http://thesharedgriefproject.org
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
The Shared Grief Project is working to help mitigate one of the greatest risks for grieving children and teens, the problem of isolation. Unless they are part of bereavement support groups, it seems to bereaved kids 'everyone else has a normal family'. Grieving teens want to be like everyone else, to be normal and 'not weird'. I recently heard someone say we spend all our teen years trying to be like everyone else, and as soon as we graduate high school it flips, and we just want to be different and stand out. (Isn't that the truth!) Experiencing a death close to you does forever change you, sets you apart. Among the multitude of social pressures teens have to deal with, add to it the pain and strain of death, and the pressure seems insurmountable. The Shared Grief Project works to help children and teens mitigate the problem of isolation. These short videos are an excellent tool to share in bereavement support groups, or to view privately.
The mission statement from the Shared Grief Project website reads,
"The Shared Grief Project was founded on one guiding principle: grieving children should not suffer in isolation. Through short videos featuring interviews with high-profile celebrities, the Shared Grief Project highlights the stories of individuals who have lost a parent or sibling at a young age and have gone on to live happy, healthy, and highly successful lives. The goal of the Shared Grief Project is twofold: first, to demonstrate to grieving children that they are not alone, and second, to provide inspiration and encouragement to these children by showing them how some of their role models have experienced grief in their own lives and sharing the lessons they have learned."
http://thesharedgriefproject.org
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
One Last Hug: HBO Film highlights childhood grief support
Filmmakers are giving a voice to childhood grief support! On April 14th Greg DeHart and HBO/Documentary Films aired a beautiful and important film about children's grief journeys. To view the trailer, link to:
http://onelasthug.com/trailer/
According to the producer, Greg DeHart, this film will be available on dvd in the near future. It’s also available on HBO several more times. You can find them here -
http://www.hbo.com/#/schedule/on-demand/detail/One+Last+Hug:+Three+Days+at+Grief+Camp/582262
The Synopsis Written on the Website:
"ONE LAST HUG (…and a few smooches) Three Days at Grief Camp
One in 7 American children will experience the death of a loved one before the age of 20. Sadly, few are prepared to deal with the grief that follows.
From profound sadness and heartbreak to confusion and anger, a child’s grief can be devastating. It can also be lonely. At a time in life when fitting in is important, grief can make kids feel different and isolated from their peers. Fortunately, there’s a place where grieving children can go to be understood.
ONE LAST HUG (…and a few smooches) Three Days at Grief Camp is an unflinching documentary short film set at Camp Erin – a sleep-over summer camp where grieving children of all ethnicities find comfort in one another to deal with their pain. Under the guidance of grief professionals, kids learn that their feelings are normal – and that by talking about them they can begin to heal. With unprecedented access, ONE LAST HUG illuminates the effects of death and grief on children. Its inspiring and emotional journey is intimate, cathartic, and testament to the healing power of friendship and support. "
Additionally, the enlightening panel discussion following the premier is available:
<iframe src="http://www.hbo.com/data/content/global/videos/embed/data/1375853.html?height=480&width=640" height="480" width="640" style="overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" seamless="seamless" frameborder="0" type="text/html"></iframe><div><a title="Panel Discussion" href="http://www.hbo.com/video/video.html/?autoplay=true&vid=1375853&filter=all-documentaries&view=null">Panel Discussion</a></div>
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
http://onelasthug.com/trailer/
According to the producer, Greg DeHart, this film will be available on dvd in the near future. It’s also available on HBO several more times. You can find them here -
http://www.hbo.com/#/schedule/on-demand/detail/One+Last+Hug:+Three+Days+at+Grief+Camp/582262
The Synopsis Written on the Website:
"ONE LAST HUG (…and a few smooches) Three Days at Grief Camp
One in 7 American children will experience the death of a loved one before the age of 20. Sadly, few are prepared to deal with the grief that follows.
From profound sadness and heartbreak to confusion and anger, a child’s grief can be devastating. It can also be lonely. At a time in life when fitting in is important, grief can make kids feel different and isolated from their peers. Fortunately, there’s a place where grieving children can go to be understood.
ONE LAST HUG (…and a few smooches) Three Days at Grief Camp is an unflinching documentary short film set at Camp Erin – a sleep-over summer camp where grieving children of all ethnicities find comfort in one another to deal with their pain. Under the guidance of grief professionals, kids learn that their feelings are normal – and that by talking about them they can begin to heal. With unprecedented access, ONE LAST HUG illuminates the effects of death and grief on children. Its inspiring and emotional journey is intimate, cathartic, and testament to the healing power of friendship and support. "
Additionally, the enlightening panel discussion following the premier is available:
<iframe src="http://www.hbo.com/data/content/global/videos/embed/data/1375853.html?height=480&width=640" height="480" width="640" style="overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" seamless="seamless" frameborder="0" type="text/html"></iframe><div><a title="Panel Discussion" href="http://www.hbo.com/video/video.html/?autoplay=true&vid=1375853&filter=all-documentaries&view=null">Panel Discussion</a></div>
Copyright (2014) Suzanne Bayer. All Rights Reserved.
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